Well I'm sitting in my Kenya class. It's kinda awkward cuz I decided not to go. It's expensive, I have to get shots, parents are worried about safety, and then there's stuff about grants. But its cool, cuz I'm gonna write up some plan about how to write a business plan and such.
Now I'm sitting waiting for my static class to start. Somehow I fixed my computer. I got a new 3TB drive, installed it and had boot issues. Gave me a "boot disk error, insert boot disk....blahblahblah" so it works, I just want to change the blu-ray to drive Z or something so I can have the new drive as H or something like that haha. Quizzes being handed out. Got a 9/10. I messed up one angle. It's cool. I'll get an A in the class.
So I put new RAM into randys computer, took his RAM and put it in mine, installed my new 3th drive, installed office pro 2010, and we don't have class again cuz of snow and ice. Lemme see if I can get this to work as the app version so I don't have to log on everytime I get bored and want to post.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A Rant
HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!@!!!!!!@!@@!!@!@@!!@!@!@@!!@! Ok so obviously im in a bad mood. I went over my internet upload limit for the week yesterday. Yesterday, as in FUCKING MONDAY...as in THE DAY AFTER IT FUCKING RESETS ITSELF....WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I basically cant use the internet. Most pages "time-out" (or say, your connection sucks and YOU are taking too long...go away) before they load so i can do something. Im stuck using erics internet that he doesnt lend to anyone because the dude that lived here last term abused it and pissed him off for my xbox. Now i'm stuck using my blackberry for internet. WELL THIS SUCKS, cuz im in the basement of my dorm and there's little reception. So everything is GOD-AWFUL-SLOW-AS-BALLS.
Hm what else, someone wont stop talking about old news...but now i know a new piece of information...to continue that specific part of the rant would be pointless and probably just stirr up more confrontation that I can totally live without. More on that when I get it more.
So since friday...life sucks. This entire weekend (er last) SUCKD PLATYPUSS's PUSSY AND DUCKFUCK-LIKE COCK...(w.e I dont like biology anyway), oh yeah...heres why. I've been doing work since friday. FML
Thank god my IB303 (international business, which btw is getting a lot harder really quickly) paper is due monday instead of tomorrow. hmm that reminds me. My IB303 prof is awesome because hes like the perfect prof. Monday, I said "i wish the paper was due monday so i could do a better job on it" then hes like, "ok then monday it is". I'm like "wtf-sauce?" and hes like well if handing it in monday means you spent an extra 6 hours on it and its that much better, than its due monday. At this point I'm still like "wtf" cuz I guess I'm not used to it. So thats a big burden off my shoulder for this week.
It was about 20 min later I got the email saying "you went over your upload limit for the internet". So my shitty weekend turned into a shitty week. My internet (insert "bad words" so bad they havn't been invented yet)...so its slow and basically doesnt exist. FAWCK!
I'm done my rant. I'm over it all...cept maybe the internet thing...cuz it still sucks dirty asshole. On to other things. I get that take-home test I spent most of the weekend working on back tomorrow. I feel like I did pretty well. hmm, what else...I like doing this stream of consciousness thing. It reminds me of two things:
1. a single-spaced front and back paper i had to do in high school where the entire point of the paper was to write down exactly what came to your mind...stream of consciousness
2. a really cool song by Dream Theater that starts 5 beats for each measure (most songs are four beats to a measure...sometimes three) and the song is named...Stream of Consciousness.
Hmm, what else...Steph is turning 21 friday and we are going bowling thursday night (11pm-2am) so ima buy her a drank (what a stupid song, tho sometimes I'm in the mood to listen to it).
Ugh, its 10pm...I gotta work on that english project...and then finish it in the morning before class till 945...er really like, 8-830 cuz she lets us out so early everyday.
Later
Now I basically cant use the internet. Most pages "time-out" (or say, your connection sucks and YOU are taking too long...go away) before they load so i can do something. Im stuck using erics internet that he doesnt lend to anyone because the dude that lived here last term abused it and pissed him off for my xbox. Now i'm stuck using my blackberry for internet. WELL THIS SUCKS, cuz im in the basement of my dorm and there's little reception. So everything is GOD-AWFUL-SLOW-AS-BALLS.
Hm what else, someone wont stop talking about old news...but now i know a new piece of information...to continue that specific part of the rant would be pointless and probably just stirr up more confrontation that I can totally live without. More on that when I get it more.
So since friday...life sucks. This entire weekend (er last) SUCKD PLATYPUSS's PUSSY AND DUCKFUCK-LIKE COCK...(w.e I dont like biology anyway), oh yeah...heres why. I've been doing work since friday. FML
Thank god my IB303 (international business, which btw is getting a lot harder really quickly) paper is due monday instead of tomorrow. hmm that reminds me. My IB303 prof is awesome because hes like the perfect prof. Monday, I said "i wish the paper was due monday so i could do a better job on it" then hes like, "ok then monday it is". I'm like "wtf-sauce?" and hes like well if handing it in monday means you spent an extra 6 hours on it and its that much better, than its due monday. At this point I'm still like "wtf" cuz I guess I'm not used to it. So thats a big burden off my shoulder for this week.
It was about 20 min later I got the email saying "you went over your upload limit for the internet". So my shitty weekend turned into a shitty week. My internet (insert "bad words" so bad they havn't been invented yet)...so its slow and basically doesnt exist. FAWCK!
I'm done my rant. I'm over it all...cept maybe the internet thing...cuz it still sucks dirty asshole. On to other things. I get that take-home test I spent most of the weekend working on back tomorrow. I feel like I did pretty well. hmm, what else...I like doing this stream of consciousness thing. It reminds me of two things:
1. a single-spaced front and back paper i had to do in high school where the entire point of the paper was to write down exactly what came to your mind...stream of consciousness
2. a really cool song by Dream Theater that starts 5 beats for each measure (most songs are four beats to a measure...sometimes three) and the song is named...Stream of Consciousness.
Hmm, what else...Steph is turning 21 friday and we are going bowling thursday night (11pm-2am) so ima buy her a drank (what a stupid song, tho sometimes I'm in the mood to listen to it).
Ugh, its 10pm...I gotta work on that english project...and then finish it in the morning before class till 945...er really like, 8-830 cuz she lets us out so early everyday.
Later
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Zzzs
So I had two weird dreams last night. Well I had one, woke up...then fell back asleep, had another weird dream. (note: I wrote the first dream and forgot the second one) The first one...I was in the parking lot with someone and we were getting in a car that we were familiar with. I dont think it was mine...hmm wait i do think it was mine. My old Benz with the hamster-in-a-wheel for an engine. For some reason, I go and pick up my dads '86 Porsche 911. Its a convertible. (btw, my dad doesnt like red cars...and hes got two of em lol) So I pull in the parking lot (its not that big) and I see someone trying to back out of a space but I needed to get to my car. I leave the red car sitting there running, warming up (cuz holy shit that thing takes forever to warm up). Go back to my car and this truck starts backing up. I honk the horn and I'm like "hey, do you ever look before you do anything? I'm right behind you!" So he stops. I look and the red car is gone...I run over there and look around and on the street to see if I could see it or hear it. Its gone. I start running back to my car...and ITS gone. Then I'm like, fuck...this sucks. So I pull out my phone and dial 911 as I'm walking down the street thinking I could see one of the cars and maybe run one of them down. I remember talking to some 911 operator and telling her the description of the cars as I'm walking down the sidewalks of this city like place that seems to slowly get smaller. It got dark, and it started to drizzle. Walking under those construction kinda things they have in NYC when they are working on something above the sidewalks, seemed small and tight. Like I was too tall for them. So I start giving the description of my car and I stop and see a sorta well lit alleyway with a bunch of red cars. Btw, this whole time I'm thinking I need to find my dads car first. I realize I'm holding one of those old wired phones...well it was the same kind of wired phone that is in my dad's office at home. I say to the operator, "oh my god, hold on one sec." I start down the alleyway because a lot of these cars are red (well they were all red) Porsche 911s from the 80's. I think, "oh, I can look inside at the mileage and the dirty drivers carpet and the clean passengers carpet. I keep looking and I dont see it. I get to the end of the cars and I see on more in the corner. I run over and see all this stuff propped up on the back of the car. It looked like a title with my name on it and my dads name and some other stuff i recognized. I looked in the car...dirty drivers-side carpet, clean passenger side carpet. Mileage is what I remember it being (somewhere in the 30k mile range). Then I think, I'll get this paperwork n stuff, put it in the back and drive off. Then I hear this dude talking about me and the car on his phone. I realize this is now "his car" i start arguing with him and hes like, "look I only buy and sell the cars. Ill make a deal for you" I ask, "whats the deal?" he responds, "Hold on, I'll tell you soon." He walks off. I remember the phone on the ground still with the operator on hold. I run over pick it up. I say I found the red car! I found the red car! She asks, "Where are you?" I find a street sign and then its like I'm in Europe. I cant read any of it and its not in any language I'm familiar with. I start spelling names, she asks if she should send a few units to help secure the car and help me repossess it. In the middle of saying "YES, send as many units you can, psh! Send them all."....I realize the shitty old wired phone...the wire from the handset to the base fell out. I remember that I could still plug it in and the call might still be there, but it might not because newer wired phones dont work that way and I forgot how old this one was. I plug it back in, and nothing. Not even a dial tone. I look back at the alleyway, all the cars are gone except my dads red car. I look both ways to cross and lots of traffic is coming my way. I wait. Traffic passes. The car is gone. I start to run towards that spot and hear a loud horn and see lights...I wake up.
I have dreams similar to this one. Some dreams where something happens to my Benz or my Cobra. I try to get it fixed but it costs too much money. There was another weird dream I had the other day...
I was in a big building. could have been a school but I dont think so. It was def old and mostly made of stone. I remember I needed to get out. To get out, I had to fly. To fly I had to turn into and owl. I forgot how to turn into an owl. I searched for the answer and couldnt find it. I started talking to people and figured it out. Then I had to find a spot where I could run, jump in the air and then turn into an owl and fly. I found a big room that looked like a gym in a school but no lines, no hoops, no big blue pads on the wall...blank, nothing. Just white walls and ceiling with a dim off-white light filling the room from somewhere. But there was a fading ray of light. That was my way out. I went to one corner of the room, started to run...jumped tried to turn into an owl and I messed up and hit the wall. I think, "crap, I need a bigger place to take off". I walk out a door and find a long and wide staircase. I walk to the top and to the back of the wall. I run as hard as I can, jump and turn into an owl. But, I cant get out of the room and if I touched the ground then I wouldnt be an owl anymore. I had this sense that this was something very taboo. I wasn't supposed to be doing this, but I wanted to get out. I run back through the door into the gym-like room. I try running in very big circles. Eventually I jump and turn into an owl. I get the hang of flying but people start showing up and I cant get out. The light in that room was gone but I felt like I knew where there as another way out. I flew through doors, in and out of rooms. I finally find a tiny place where I can fly out. I'm out. I fly around, and wake up.
I wish I knew what my dreams meant so I could learn more about myself and fix it.
I have dreams similar to this one. Some dreams where something happens to my Benz or my Cobra. I try to get it fixed but it costs too much money. There was another weird dream I had the other day...
I was in a big building. could have been a school but I dont think so. It was def old and mostly made of stone. I remember I needed to get out. To get out, I had to fly. To fly I had to turn into and owl. I forgot how to turn into an owl. I searched for the answer and couldnt find it. I started talking to people and figured it out. Then I had to find a spot where I could run, jump in the air and then turn into an owl and fly. I found a big room that looked like a gym in a school but no lines, no hoops, no big blue pads on the wall...blank, nothing. Just white walls and ceiling with a dim off-white light filling the room from somewhere. But there was a fading ray of light. That was my way out. I went to one corner of the room, started to run...jumped tried to turn into an owl and I messed up and hit the wall. I think, "crap, I need a bigger place to take off". I walk out a door and find a long and wide staircase. I walk to the top and to the back of the wall. I run as hard as I can, jump and turn into an owl. But, I cant get out of the room and if I touched the ground then I wouldnt be an owl anymore. I had this sense that this was something very taboo. I wasn't supposed to be doing this, but I wanted to get out. I run back through the door into the gym-like room. I try running in very big circles. Eventually I jump and turn into an owl. I get the hang of flying but people start showing up and I cant get out. The light in that room was gone but I felt like I knew where there as another way out. I flew through doors, in and out of rooms. I finally find a tiny place where I can fly out. I'm out. I fly around, and wake up.
I wish I knew what my dreams meant so I could learn more about myself and fix it.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Life: Tecnologified
Ok so the title is like, "WTF?" Yeah, I know. Well the post from this morning...eh I was just in this really weird mood (so kinda ignore that post. This will be shorter and pretty sweet.
The title comes from my long time friend since 2nd grade, Rob. Hes the man, but doesn't realize it which is really his only problem. He and I (mostly him) started making verbs out of mostly nouns. so here is a list of things that have "technologified" my life. Well lets define this new term.
Technologified - bringing someone up-to-date on new technology; sharing ideas of technology; sharing sites and programs that can be used on a computer to make life simpler.
1. Windows 7
2. Dropbox.com
3. Newegg.com
4. Bitlord
5. isoHunt
6. LogMeIn.com
7. Ninite.com
all of this is so epic, i gotta finish this later. oh and i wrote this paragraph on my laptop...but its on my desktop....epic
The title comes from my long time friend since 2nd grade, Rob. Hes the man, but doesn't realize it which is really his only problem. He and I (mostly him) started making verbs out of mostly nouns. so here is a list of things that have "technologified" my life. Well lets define this new term.
Technologified - bringing someone up-to-date on new technology; sharing ideas of technology; sharing sites and programs that can be used on a computer to make life simpler.
1. Windows 7
2. Dropbox.com
3. Newegg.com
4. Bitlord
5. isoHunt
6. LogMeIn.com
7. Ninite.com
all of this is so epic, i gotta finish this later. oh and i wrote this paragraph on my laptop...but its on my desktop....epic
In a weird mood...
So I havn't blogged in a while. When I started this I thought I'd blog about life and everything pretty much everyday. Guess not. I know in prolly my last blog I mentioned that I didnt want to just blog about "I did this today, class was this, food was that, my suite-mate got high, and blahblahblah" Well, I'll catch ya up on things that have happened since the last time I blogged...well I'll start by explaining the weir mood I'm in.
I woke up this morning to one of my favorite songs. "Wish You Were Here", By Pink Floyd. Its definitely one of my favorite songs. Well after that I heard "Inhale", by Killswitch Engage. Sounds like a metal band right? Well, it is. Its one of those "RAH RAHHHHH RAHHHHHHH ::fast drum beat:: ::lots of very distorted guitar::" with some angst-y lyrics. Not this song. Its quiet. It starts off with a lightly distorted guitar that sounds like its coming from a distant radio. Then about 13 seconds in, an acoustic guitar joins in and I can always see a video playing in my mind. Its different every time. This morning it was one of those that seemed like someone had a home video of my life, and showed high school. It showed alex, marla, jun, mike and I playing around having fun. Life is so different these days. My last two years of high school were two of the greatest years of my life (so far).
I was happy. The worries I had would totally dissipate anytime I was with my friends, including my girlfriend at the time. She and I had this storybook relationship and people literally were jealous of our relationship. Not necessarily us, but the relationship. I remember taking her to one of my school dances or something, idk, maybe it was a concert or something...I forget. Anyway, the day after kids in my class came up to me and were like "how long have you guys been together?", "you two seem so happy", "do you two ever argue?". I got that last one a lot. "Do you two ever argue?" We never did in highschool. Maybe that's why I hate arguing. When I went to Union, "we" ended with an argument. Well...we kinda "took a break" in sept of that year. I came back in November and went to her place. I acted like nothing happened, and we were still together, and happy. I was so relieved just to be with her that I didn't realize how she was pulling away. I remember walking up behind her, putting my hands on her hips as she was getting/looking for something in the fridge in her new kitchen. She would usually stop, put her hands on mind and turn her head slightly. I could feel her smile. She didn't do that. She got what she needed and kinda turned outta my reach as her mom walked in the kitchen. So I didn't think much of it cuz her mom was there, but I didn't realize that she was doing this on purpose. A little time goes by, and I gotta go do whatever I needed to do or she needed to get ready for something, i forget. But we went out to my car. We sat in it. She said to me, "I think we should just stay friends". I was so happy just to be with her...that feeling quickly became a distant forgotten memory as shock, confusion, and even rage filled that empty void. I turned and asked what she said. She wouldn't look at me. She said it again. I said "Wait, why? Why cant we just go back to what we were?" She responds "We can't, its too late". I said "No, its never too late. We can start over!" This argument was short-lived. She didn't say anything and she let her hair block her face. I pushed it behind her ear and saw she was about to cry. As I was about to say something she turned, gave me a hug, and said something that I never was able to remember except the phrase, "I'm sorry" as I felt a drop on my shoulder. She got out of the car and walked back to her place. I don't know why I didn't get out and follow her. She went inside and everything I was feeling was replaced with rage and maybe even hate quicker than time itself can fathom. I felt my heart start to pound. I felt a tingly sensation of adrenaline in my chest and my legs. My hands started to shake as I released the handbrake of my car to let it roll down her (short) driveway. I rolled into the road, put it in gear, let out the clutch and the car jolted, jerked, and stalled. My mind was racing faster than ever. Ever second that passed felt like an eternity. I turned the engine back on. Put it in gear again, let out the clutch and bang, bang, bang. The engine stalled again. I couldn't see through the tears. I wiped them from my face as I sank in my seat. All the anger was put on pause. I felt so alone. Like I couldn't go anywhere, to anyone. A minute or so went by, and something made me look back at her house. I saw her at the front door just watching me. I didn't realize this would be the last time she would ever look at me again.
The pause button was broken and the anger started to play again...but this time it was on fast forward. I started the engine, revved it way up as I put it in gear and popped the clutch. Smoke from all four tires (it was a Subaru. They're all four wheel drive) rose from under the car as it lurched forward. I got to the end of the street and stopped. My phone buzzed. I took it and threw it out the window, not even caring who it was. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I turned right. Found route 17 and started going south because north had so much traffic. At one point while redlining it in 3rd and putting it in fourth (about 85-90mph as I recall) I passed a cop sitting in a parking lot. I swerved around a car blasted down the right lane and took the next exit. Drove about half a mile going about 60 in a 35, turned right onto some small road then turned left again. I stopped the car. I had no idea what I was doing. I was so mad that she turned me down after 18 months, that I didnt know where to go. I didn't know who to go to. I think about 15 minutes passed, I started the car and took back roads to go back to her place to ask her something. About an hour later, I was on Lincoln Ave near her place. I turned left on her road and remembered my phone. I pulled over and found it gently resting on a very big Hasta leaf. It was almost picturesque. Like it should be a postcard or in a calender. I picked it up and saw 17 missed calls, 7 text messages and 3 voicemails. The missed calls were from, Sarah, Marla, and my mom. I checked my voice mail since my mom called. She just wanted to know what I wanted for dinner sunday night when I came home (it was saturday). That was the first one. The second one was from Sarah. She said, "Tim, I'm sorry. I saw you drive off and got scared. I hope your ok." I controlled my emotions and listened to the last message. It was marla. She sounded almost panicked, trying to figure out where I was cuz apparently Sarah called her and told her everything. I checked my txts. Nothing special. As I got in my car I saw her green Civic driving towards me with her in the backseat behind the driver (her dad). This must have been about two hours after our argument. I saw her turn her head and put her hand on the window. I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel mad, I wasnt going to pursue or follow her. I just felt alone. I got in my car and just started driving. About another hour later marla started calling me non-stop. I finally answered after the fourth time. She said "come home" in a calm almost relived voice. I reached her place. As I pulled up her driveway, I saw her come out of the front door. She came over and gave me a big hug. She was the second girl I ever cried in front of. We sat on her couch and just held each other as she kept trying to calm me down. Eventually I fell asleep.
Since I know Rachel really is the only one that still reads my blogs, now she is the second person to know this story. I know I never went into this kind of detail. I think I wrote all of this because of the recent stupid little arguments we have been having. I love you, Rachel. Every time we argue, I see myself sitting in my car in sarah's driveway. I think that's why I hate arguing. I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy with you. You don't need to say it or worry about it or anything. I will always love you, no matter what happens.
I guess I just want to ask you to be easier on me. Every argument is like a kick in the nuts. I like to joke around, especially with you and especially in the past few months. You've changed so much for the better. I want that to continue, and for us just to be happy. I'm sorry If it seems like we don't talk as much since I'm here at Berks, hanging out with friends. But to be honest, I need people around me to keep me happy. I don't want to be alone, and I don't want you to try to make me feel guilty about being busy. I just want us to be happy.
Eh sidenote, I'll write more later tonight or tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to one of my favorite songs. "Wish You Were Here", By Pink Floyd. Its definitely one of my favorite songs. Well after that I heard "Inhale", by Killswitch Engage. Sounds like a metal band right? Well, it is. Its one of those "RAH RAHHHHH RAHHHHHHH ::fast drum beat:: ::lots of very distorted guitar::" with some angst-y lyrics. Not this song. Its quiet. It starts off with a lightly distorted guitar that sounds like its coming from a distant radio. Then about 13 seconds in, an acoustic guitar joins in and I can always see a video playing in my mind. Its different every time. This morning it was one of those that seemed like someone had a home video of my life, and showed high school. It showed alex, marla, jun, mike and I playing around having fun. Life is so different these days. My last two years of high school were two of the greatest years of my life (so far).
I was happy. The worries I had would totally dissipate anytime I was with my friends, including my girlfriend at the time. She and I had this storybook relationship and people literally were jealous of our relationship. Not necessarily us, but the relationship. I remember taking her to one of my school dances or something, idk, maybe it was a concert or something...I forget. Anyway, the day after kids in my class came up to me and were like "how long have you guys been together?", "you two seem so happy", "do you two ever argue?". I got that last one a lot. "Do you two ever argue?" We never did in highschool. Maybe that's why I hate arguing. When I went to Union, "we" ended with an argument. Well...we kinda "took a break" in sept of that year. I came back in November and went to her place. I acted like nothing happened, and we were still together, and happy. I was so relieved just to be with her that I didn't realize how she was pulling away. I remember walking up behind her, putting my hands on her hips as she was getting/looking for something in the fridge in her new kitchen. She would usually stop, put her hands on mind and turn her head slightly. I could feel her smile. She didn't do that. She got what she needed and kinda turned outta my reach as her mom walked in the kitchen. So I didn't think much of it cuz her mom was there, but I didn't realize that she was doing this on purpose. A little time goes by, and I gotta go do whatever I needed to do or she needed to get ready for something, i forget. But we went out to my car. We sat in it. She said to me, "I think we should just stay friends". I was so happy just to be with her...that feeling quickly became a distant forgotten memory as shock, confusion, and even rage filled that empty void. I turned and asked what she said. She wouldn't look at me. She said it again. I said "Wait, why? Why cant we just go back to what we were?" She responds "We can't, its too late". I said "No, its never too late. We can start over!" This argument was short-lived. She didn't say anything and she let her hair block her face. I pushed it behind her ear and saw she was about to cry. As I was about to say something she turned, gave me a hug, and said something that I never was able to remember except the phrase, "I'm sorry" as I felt a drop on my shoulder. She got out of the car and walked back to her place. I don't know why I didn't get out and follow her. She went inside and everything I was feeling was replaced with rage and maybe even hate quicker than time itself can fathom. I felt my heart start to pound. I felt a tingly sensation of adrenaline in my chest and my legs. My hands started to shake as I released the handbrake of my car to let it roll down her (short) driveway. I rolled into the road, put it in gear, let out the clutch and the car jolted, jerked, and stalled. My mind was racing faster than ever. Ever second that passed felt like an eternity. I turned the engine back on. Put it in gear again, let out the clutch and bang, bang, bang. The engine stalled again. I couldn't see through the tears. I wiped them from my face as I sank in my seat. All the anger was put on pause. I felt so alone. Like I couldn't go anywhere, to anyone. A minute or so went by, and something made me look back at her house. I saw her at the front door just watching me. I didn't realize this would be the last time she would ever look at me again.
The pause button was broken and the anger started to play again...but this time it was on fast forward. I started the engine, revved it way up as I put it in gear and popped the clutch. Smoke from all four tires (it was a Subaru. They're all four wheel drive) rose from under the car as it lurched forward. I got to the end of the street and stopped. My phone buzzed. I took it and threw it out the window, not even caring who it was. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I turned right. Found route 17 and started going south because north had so much traffic. At one point while redlining it in 3rd and putting it in fourth (about 85-90mph as I recall) I passed a cop sitting in a parking lot. I swerved around a car blasted down the right lane and took the next exit. Drove about half a mile going about 60 in a 35, turned right onto some small road then turned left again. I stopped the car. I had no idea what I was doing. I was so mad that she turned me down after 18 months, that I didnt know where to go. I didn't know who to go to. I think about 15 minutes passed, I started the car and took back roads to go back to her place to ask her something. About an hour later, I was on Lincoln Ave near her place. I turned left on her road and remembered my phone. I pulled over and found it gently resting on a very big Hasta leaf. It was almost picturesque. Like it should be a postcard or in a calender. I picked it up and saw 17 missed calls, 7 text messages and 3 voicemails. The missed calls were from, Sarah, Marla, and my mom. I checked my voice mail since my mom called. She just wanted to know what I wanted for dinner sunday night when I came home (it was saturday). That was the first one. The second one was from Sarah. She said, "Tim, I'm sorry. I saw you drive off and got scared. I hope your ok." I controlled my emotions and listened to the last message. It was marla. She sounded almost panicked, trying to figure out where I was cuz apparently Sarah called her and told her everything. I checked my txts. Nothing special. As I got in my car I saw her green Civic driving towards me with her in the backseat behind the driver (her dad). This must have been about two hours after our argument. I saw her turn her head and put her hand on the window. I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel mad, I wasnt going to pursue or follow her. I just felt alone. I got in my car and just started driving. About another hour later marla started calling me non-stop. I finally answered after the fourth time. She said "come home" in a calm almost relived voice. I reached her place. As I pulled up her driveway, I saw her come out of the front door. She came over and gave me a big hug. She was the second girl I ever cried in front of. We sat on her couch and just held each other as she kept trying to calm me down. Eventually I fell asleep.
Since I know Rachel really is the only one that still reads my blogs, now she is the second person to know this story. I know I never went into this kind of detail. I think I wrote all of this because of the recent stupid little arguments we have been having. I love you, Rachel. Every time we argue, I see myself sitting in my car in sarah's driveway. I think that's why I hate arguing. I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy with you. You don't need to say it or worry about it or anything. I will always love you, no matter what happens.
I guess I just want to ask you to be easier on me. Every argument is like a kick in the nuts. I like to joke around, especially with you and especially in the past few months. You've changed so much for the better. I want that to continue, and for us just to be happy. I'm sorry If it seems like we don't talk as much since I'm here at Berks, hanging out with friends. But to be honest, I need people around me to keep me happy. I don't want to be alone, and I don't want you to try to make me feel guilty about being busy. I just want us to be happy.
Eh sidenote, I'll write more later tonight or tomorrow.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
In class...
So I'm in class. ok more specifically, waiting for class to start. Its Business Law (for people who have never had Law before. Our prof is a real lawyer! ::clap clap clap:: Well she moved back the starting time of each class by 15 minutes because she works and cant get here by 6pm. I changed from my tuesday/thursday 915am class cuz i didnt want to keep getting up at 8, well...waking up at 8, getting up at 830, food at 9 and in class by 915. So this is my 4-credit course. If I ace this course, then it will reallllllly help my GPA.
Ok, so that was actually last night and i forgot to finish this. I'm on my laptop waiting for mgmt to start. I have no english today YAY! Shit, I gotta find an article about ethics in the next five min
later
Ok, so that was actually last night and i forgot to finish this. I'm on my laptop waiting for mgmt to start. I have no english today YAY! Shit, I gotta find an article about ethics in the next five min
later
Monday, February 1, 2010
So I know its been a while
Well maybe only a week or so, but I like to blog when I have something to talk about other than "i did this today, i did that, it was cool cuz...blahblahblah" So I went to class today.....yeah BORING.
Rachel came down this weekend. It was epic. Details can stay between us :D
I'm surrounded by republicans...at Penn State. Im glad that most people I hang out with at home are democratic or at least. Wait a second...I dont care about politics...tho when someone bashes someone and makes lies that they cant back up...thats stupid. I will refrain fom mentioning one of my good friends from a long time that bashed President Obama because she just doesnt know any better. If she DID know better, shed do research and look into what the effects of what hes trying to do will be. Lemme say this...I dont agree with everything he says. Last wednesday, he had a State of the Union ADDRESS (better? :-p). He mentioned that he wants to double exports out of the United States in the next five years. Ok, thats totally not going to happen. He wants to DOUBLE exports? hes out of his mind. Things like reintroducing "Pay as you go" I think is a great idea because it has proved that it worked in the 90s under former President Clinton. It took billions of dollars of deficit and turned it into a yearly profit (if you will) of several hundred billion dollars....which former (thank god) President Bush used in one year and then some.
One thing that really made me think that Obama is just a regular guy trying to make a difference in a world that doesnt like to embrace change but wants it...he said that he wants to do what is necessary, not what is popular. Open minded people should realize that he has some of the brightest and best people working for him and helping him make these big decisions. Now wait a second...what about the smaller decisions...ok I cant name any cuz I dont pay that much attention to politics (since they generally suck) but Obama deals with the hardest issues, otherwisehe wouldnt have time to take a dump if he was trying to help the governor of Hawaii decide if he wants to fix some out in the middle of fucking nowhere road that was covered in lava...thats not Obamas job.
Enough about politics...I'm stuck thinking about this stuff alot because that's all I'm tlaking about in four out of six classes I'm taking this term.
SO on a lighter note...my aunt and uncle have a futon they dont really have space for. Or it has no place to go. Its 29" high, 37" deep, and 60" wide. I'm sitting at my desk in my dorm and it would go to my left against the heater (no its not a fire-hazard because even if i put the futon up against the heater, that front panel never gets hot enough for it to become an issue...ive touched it when the heat is on and off, and when the fan is on and off, and every conbination you could make). Right now, it wouldnt fit. So the dresser (three drawers) I would put at the end of my bed. The omwar (sp?) /closet thingy i would move a little closer to the door, and I'd move my desk down a little bit. then I keep my computer, trash and recycling bin in the corner. Now I realize that the futon is not going to match the room but I care more about politics than if the shit in my room matches...and if you have read this post and previous posts, you should know that I dont like politics, and I only care enough to do well in my classes.
Thats kinda it unless someone reminds me of something later...
damn I'm tired
Rachel came down this weekend. It was epic. Details can stay between us :D
I'm surrounded by republicans...at Penn State. Im glad that most people I hang out with at home are democratic or at least. Wait a second...I dont care about politics...tho when someone bashes someone and makes lies that they cant back up...thats stupid. I will refrain fom mentioning one of my good friends from a long time that bashed President Obama because she just doesnt know any better. If she DID know better, shed do research and look into what the effects of what hes trying to do will be. Lemme say this...I dont agree with everything he says. Last wednesday, he had a State of the Union ADDRESS (better? :-p). He mentioned that he wants to double exports out of the United States in the next five years. Ok, thats totally not going to happen. He wants to DOUBLE exports? hes out of his mind. Things like reintroducing "Pay as you go" I think is a great idea because it has proved that it worked in the 90s under former President Clinton. It took billions of dollars of deficit and turned it into a yearly profit (if you will) of several hundred billion dollars....which former (thank god) President Bush used in one year and then some.
One thing that really made me think that Obama is just a regular guy trying to make a difference in a world that doesnt like to embrace change but wants it...he said that he wants to do what is necessary, not what is popular. Open minded people should realize that he has some of the brightest and best people working for him and helping him make these big decisions. Now wait a second...what about the smaller decisions...ok I cant name any cuz I dont pay that much attention to politics (since they generally suck) but Obama deals with the hardest issues, otherwisehe wouldnt have time to take a dump if he was trying to help the governor of Hawaii decide if he wants to fix some out in the middle of fucking nowhere road that was covered in lava...thats not Obamas job.
Enough about politics...I'm stuck thinking about this stuff alot because that's all I'm tlaking about in four out of six classes I'm taking this term.
SO on a lighter note...my aunt and uncle have a futon they dont really have space for. Or it has no place to go. Its 29" high, 37" deep, and 60" wide. I'm sitting at my desk in my dorm and it would go to my left against the heater (no its not a fire-hazard because even if i put the futon up against the heater, that front panel never gets hot enough for it to become an issue...ive touched it when the heat is on and off, and when the fan is on and off, and every conbination you could make). Right now, it wouldnt fit. So the dresser (three drawers) I would put at the end of my bed. The omwar (sp?) /closet thingy i would move a little closer to the door, and I'd move my desk down a little bit. then I keep my computer, trash and recycling bin in the corner. Now I realize that the futon is not going to match the room but I care more about politics than if the shit in my room matches...and if you have read this post and previous posts, you should know that I dont like politics, and I only care enough to do well in my classes.
Thats kinda it unless someone reminds me of something later...
damn I'm tired
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